Sunday, September 25, 2022

Distress Calls from Martha’s Vineyard

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Absolutely nothing rivals the hilarity of the comments following the articles in the Martha’s Vineyard Gazette in response to Governor DeSantis’ gift of migrants from the southern border to the quaint, affluent, and non-racist community of Martha’s Vineyard. Some of these commentaries are as charming as the harbor in Chilmark.

On September 14, “Planeloads of Venezuelan Migrants Arrive at Martha’s Vineyard Airport” was published in the Gazette. Fifty migrants from Venezuela and Columbia landed unexpectedly at the Vineyard airport. These illegal immigrants, referred to as migrants by the non-racist Edgartown elite, spent the night at St. Andrew’s Church. The non-racists dropped their avocado toast and… articulated their distress in the comment sections of the Gazette. 

Eric from Tisbury wrote:

The governor of Texas should be charged for inhumane treatment of refugees, the buses we have all heard of but this is the first time I became aware of using jets to transport refugees to areas for political gain. We do not have enough housing for the people living here. Our governor Backer should open up barracks on the cape for these people so that Massachusetts can get chance to come up with solutions.

With an average home value of $1.32 million, one would think a Vineyard home would be capacious enough to board several itinerants. I guess I am mistaken. If one’s architect overlooked requisite servants’ quarters, he most certainly overlooked the nanny’s walkout or in-law accessory structure. According to the Gazette, The Farm Neck Café is hiring line cooks and dish staff AND will provide housing. Also, according to the Gazette, the Vineyard is approaching the off-season so numerous vacant homes will need onsite property caretakers. Eric, do you read the classifieds?

Eric also believes that flying illegals from the southern border towns to the Vineyard is inhumane. Perhaps Eric thinks they should have travelled in a manner to which they are more accustomed? Walking perhaps? Yes, Eric, the walk from Texas to Massachusetts is a quick jaunt compared to the trek by foot from Columbia to the Mexican border. But… there is the swim across the Vineyard Sound. Eric can offer assurance that crossers of the Rio Grande River are adequately skilled. 

Mark from Edgartown wrote:

Not in my back yard!

It is difficult to decide if this is satire or just a progressive liberal saying the quiet part out loud. Given that the Vineyard is about 90% self-proclaimed tolerant and not racist, it is safe to assume the latter.

Helen from Vineyard Haven wrote:

Now I see why they want a new giant school in Vineyard Haven and ASAP. I have been in tears for weeks over our taxes in VH going through the roof and worrying how to pay them, now this! I can’t take much more, I senior citizen, alone and I am a 7th generation island native on a very fixed income.

This comment by Helen sure does pull on heartstrings. What exactly does Helen mean by fixed income? Does she mean disbursements from a trust fund? The interest from her Berkshire Hathaway investment? Either way, Helen is concerned about the taxes going up. The average home value in the border town of Eagle Pass, Texas, is $117,000 and the median income is $40,600. Although I do believe Helen’s property taxes are a tad higher than those in Eagle Pass, it would be safe to bet that her “fixed” income is greater than $40,600 because J.P. Morgan made sure of that.

Tamara from Vineyard Haven wrote:

Wonderful how people are jumping into action. TERRIBLE how these refugees are being used as political pawns! Should be easy to figure out who’s behind the private plane…..maybe being complicit in this matter is a crime?? We shall see. I’m happy that they are in a safe place.

Oh, this is a gem! Like Eric from Tisbury, Tamara believes transportation by private plane is a crime. She claims the owner of the aircraft and the pilot are complicit in providing first class transportation to illegals that should have just taken the Greyhound. Tamara probably also believes that omitting a blue cheese stuffed olive in her martini is akin to 2nd degree manslaughter. 

On September 16, the article “Buses Roll Out as Migrants Head to Ferry and on to Joint Base Cape Cod” was published. The first sentence is adorable:

The 10 a.m. the bells of St. Andrew’s Church in Edgartown began ringing as about 50 mostly Venezuelan migrants boarded Vineyard Transit Authority buses to take them to the ferry and then to a military facility on Cape Cod.

You bet those church bells were ringing! Eric from Tisbury got his wish and the illegals were moved to Cape Cod. Mark from Edgartown can rest assured knowing the illegals are now in someone else’s backyard. For the sake of Tamara from Vineyard Haven, I hope the illegals were ferried by superyacht and not fishing boat. 

I simply cannot wait to read the Cape Gazette…

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